


the final form of love

by melindamays



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin is a bad dad but he tries, Gen, Rey is a Solo, TFA spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 21:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6025924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melindamays/pseuds/melindamays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She hated him, she hated him and he was always there. Always wanted to talk to her like their history was of no consequence just because she was his daughter. </p><p>alternatively the five times Anakin wanted to talk to Leia, and the one time she wanted to talk to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the final form of love

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies if I got any terminology wrong, but at least I didn't end up giving up and using terminology from Star Trek.
> 
> Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars, do you really think that 90% of Leia's scenes would have been cut from TFA?

**i.**

Of all the things Leia was certain of, she knew that she hated Naboo more than any other planet in the galaxy. Except for maybe Tatooine. The planet itself was beautiful with it’s colorful fields and numerous waterfalls, but there was just something about this planet that set her on edge. So much sadness surrounded it, and she could not pinpoint where it was coming from or why it was there.

The sadness was stifling, she felt so lost in it that it was hard to negotiate with the Imperials. She couldn’t breathe at times, it was too much. And Luke wasn’t sensing what she was. He felt it a little, but not nearly as much as she could.

Nights seemed to be the worst for the sadness. It crashed over her, suffocated her in her sleep. Sent her running from her bed with Han out onto the balcony of their temporary room in the Royal Palace.

For once since her stay in Theed, it wasn’t the overwhelming sadness of the planet that sent her out to the cool night air. It was something… inside of her. A small little ball of light that had taken up space in the pit of her abdomen. She had not been aware that being force-sensitive meant being able to feel her child begin to form into a being, but she could feel it. And it was beautiful.

She didn’t know anything about the baby that was growing in her womb, besides that it was there and growing. She hadn’t even told Han yet, though she’d known for two weeks. This wasn’t something they planned, and sometimes it felt like Han had one foot out the door ready to run at the first sign of trouble. And she didn’t know if he’d consider a baby a blessing or a problem.

Leia wrapped her arms around her midriff as the cool Nubian air picked up and a gust of cold wind ran through her body. Normally when the wind picked up the sadness that surrounded the planet would peak and she would feel it at it’s worst, but tonight it seemed to lay low like a stubborn fog that wouldn’t dissipate. There was something new though… a presence that she had sensed before but had never been close enough to for her to identify it. Somehow, the presence bothered her.

She stood there in the night, trying to pick out what it was about this presence that seemed to set her on edge. It felt like it should be welcoming to her, but she just couldn’t pinpoint what it was that she didn’t like about it. She squeezed herself tighter as the hairs on the back of her neck stood firm, a warning she did not understand.

“Leia,” a male voice spoke her name from a few feet behind her. Her body straightened on reflex, she knew that voice. She had heard that voice speaking to Luke. She heard that voice in her dreams sometimes. And she knew if she turned around that she would recognize the presence that bothered so much as Anakin Skywalker.

“Go away,” she pleaded, refusing to turn around to face him. She had told Luke every single time he had asked her to speak to Anakin, that she wanted nothing to do with him and to pass along the message to their birth father. She knew that he had, multiple times. But Luke had left Naboo a few days before, leaving her open to Anakin’s attention whether she wanted it or not.

“We need to talk,” Anakin said after a few moments. She bit down the anger she wanted to express to this man. _Who are you to order me around?_

“I’m your father,” he answered her spiteful thought evenly. His voice betraying no feelings he may have. Leia let out a bitter laugh, turning around to finally face Anakin Skywalker for the first time.

She was struck by how young he looked. And how much he looked like Luke, or how much Luke looked like him. _He’s taller than Luke though_ , she thought with a wry smile. She forced her smile to remain mental, refusing to allow Anakin Skywalker to see any evidence of her private joke. 

“No, my father was Bail Organa,” she said moving her arms from her midriff to fold them across her chest. “He raised me. He loved me. He protected me, from you,” she added as an afterthought. It was the truth though.

Anakin looked down, his shame rolling off of him in waves, causing her to flinch back towards to the ledge.

“That’s not the life I wanted for you.”

“It’s the life I had. And it was a good one, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

Leia turned away from Anakin Skywalker, facing the beautiful marbled buildings of Naboo. They stood in silence for several long minutes. Her body was tense as the calmness of the night air loosened her mind, centering it with peace. She let her thoughts drift to Han, to her baby, to how she was going to tell him… to his possible reaction… his possibly negative reaction. She suppressed a shudder as she felt a tugging at the back of her mind so quick that it felt like she had imagined it.

“Even now?” Anakin asked, suddenly. She turned back to him, her face pulled into a questioning expression. Anakin rolled his eyes. “The Smuggler. You’re not worried that he’s going to leave at all? Leave you? Leave your child? He’s not the type to stay in one spot for long, or with one woman.”

“How _dare_ you,” she snarled, the heat of her anger rising through her. “You don’t get to judge him. He is one hundred times the person you are. And he’ll be one thousand times the father you could ever be.”

Anakin flinched but she couldn’t stop. If he wanted her reaction, he was going to get it.

“You knew me for over a year before you tortured me, you argued with me, and not once did you even know that I was your daughter. And then you tortured me, you probed my mind like you had some right to my thoughts. What kind of father does that make _you_?”

“Everything I did was for you!” his outburst was loud and caused her to jump to attention. She could feel the anger flowing from him. Hot, intense, and so dark. It reached her and encompassed her. Choking her with force so powerful she felt faint before it snapped away from her. As her eyes refocused, she could see that Anakin was shaking where he stood.

“I did everything I did for you,” Anakin stated slowly, the two of them shaking with the power of his outburst. “For you. For your brother. For your mother…”

He trailed off at the mention of her birth mother. An overwhelming sadness took over the area around them. Dancing and mixing with the lingering sadness she had come to associate with Naboo. She watched him turn away from her, sighing. Biting her lip, she decided a new course of action.

“Listen, I don’t care about your excuses, or your reasons,” she said to his turned back, “I had a father, an amazing one. I am not saying that to hurt you, it’s just the truth. Bail Organa raised me as his own, Breha Organa made me her heir to the throne of Alderaan. That’s just how it came to be.”

She stepped forward to his side.

“I have nothing to say to you, but if you must speak to me, if you truly have something to say, I would like to know of my birth mother.”

“Leia… you do not know what you ask of me,” he stated sadly, turning his head to look at her, blue eyes connecting to brown ones.

“Then leave, because otherwise I will not speak to you.”

They stood silently, minutes passing with nothing being said but the shrill whistle of the wind. They held their staring contest before Leia sighed and looked away. She started forward to the door of the balcony to reenter her room, leaving Anakin outside to the night.

“Her name was Padmé,” he said as her hand reached to touch the door. “Padmé Amidala.”

The name sent shivers through her body. There wasn’t a person in the Alliance who didn’t know about Padmé Amidala. The Senator from Naboo who had served as Queen, who had campaigned for peace in a time of war. She had died merely three days after Empire Day, two days after the Jedi Purges, a day after Anakin Skywalker supposedly disappeared. She had supposedly been pregnant at the time, her body interred on Naboo in a glass memorial, forever showing the world that Darth Vader’s first victim had been with child. Of course everyone in the Rebellion knew of their first martyr.

And Leia was no exception.

Tears began to prick at the corner of her eyes. Her father had told her of the woman he had served with in the Senate many years ago, she had based many of her motions during her brief time in the Senate after many of Senator Amidala’s motions. She had looked up to her as an angel of mercy, of reason, an idol for her to worship and to never be disappointed by.

Taking a deep breath, Leia finally turned to Anakin. Her hands shaking with a feeling she wasn’t sure she truly knew how to express.

“You killed her,” she kept the accusation from her voice, just stated a fact. A well-known and public fact. Anakin looked down at the ground, shuffling his feet as he took a moment.

“Yes,” he said after his moment. He looked up at her, and waves of regret washed over her. She tried to shake them off. “It was an accident, Leia. I would have never hurt her. I loved her.”

“Then why?” her voice was so quiet it surprised her to have come from her throat.

“I gave into hate,” Anakin sighed, “I gave into hate and I broke her heart. She should have never died, if anything I should have been the one to die.”

Leia’s whole body shook as he spoke. She wasn’t sure if it was from keeping in her pain or anger. It was just there, making her body quake as she tried to keep her tears in. Anakin looked directly at her and smiled.

“This is where she wanted to raise you, and Luke. This was her home. You would have had a good life with her, just as you did on Alderaan,” he paused, seeming to consider his next words before finally continuing. “You look so much like her, did you know that?”

At that innocent compliment, she snapped and her tears came running down. It all made sense. The pain of the planet was her mother’s, Amidala was their most beloved Queen and Senator, and the Nubians never forgot someone so important to their history like her. Naboo reeked of her birth mother, her presence was stamped all over the Royal Palace, the streets. It was like she had been calling to her.

She stood there for several minutes, crying for the first time since the days after the destruction of Alderaan before finally wiping her tears from her face and taking a few careful breaths to get in control of her emotions. She looked up at Anakin and saw his conflict, she could read that he wanted to step forward, to comfort her but was keeping himself back. _Good_ , she thought, _stay away from me_.

She rested a hand on the small rounding of her stomach, not nearly enough to constitute as a bump, but just enough to be firm. She looked down at the place where her child rested and thought quickly. She had a feeling that she couldn’t order Anakin Skywalker away forever, but she could try at least. Finally, she looked up to her biological father.

“Leave me be,” she said firmly, “leave me be and never come near my child. Do not speak to it, do not watch it, stay away. You have no place in my life.”

With that she turned and walked into her and Han’s room. Shutting the door to the balcony behind her. She would tell Han about the baby in the morning, she would tell him about everything in the morning. For now, she needed to sleep to be rid of the presence of Anakin Skywalker.

 

 

**ii.**

She had not expected to wake and see Anakin Skywalker at the side of her newborn daughter’s bassinet. He had to know that she was awake and aware of his presence, but he stayed staring down and smiling at her daughter. She almost wanted to yell at him to leave, but she felt more at peace with him here than she had since before she had gone into labor.

He had mostly listened to her order of staying away. She knew that he still came around to watch her and Ben. And that should have bothered her, but it didn’t. At least he hadn’t tried to talk to her since that night in Naboo.

She watched him carefully, and she knew he could feel her apprehension at the situation but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. He just seemed content to just be watching his granddaughter sleep. She suppressed a smile, if it had been Luke or Obi-Wan it would have been a different situation, but it was almost sweet to see the man who had brought so much pain and suffering to the galaxy to be so entranced by a baby who wasn’t even a day old.

“I thought your mother was carrying a girl,” Anakin said out of nowhere, still smiling down at her daughter. “Your mother insisted she was having a boy. But every time I felt her stomach, every time you kicked or moved, I knew we were having a daughter.”

Leia stayed still in the silence that followed. She had not been expecting that. Anakin seemed to have a better connection with Luke, it had just made sense to her that he had always been expecting his son. Not a daughter.

She watched Anakin reach a hand out to touch her daughter and she bit back an instant reaction to tell him to stop. He still stopped his approach, his hand just hovering above the bassinet. His smile turned sad and he looked up to face Leia.

“I can’t tell you much, but what you fear about Ben is true,” he paused as she took in a sharp breath. Ever since she had become pregnant with Breha, Ben had been pulling away, his feelings becoming darker each day. She had long thought that someone was whispering to her son in his sleep, in his darkest and loneliest moments, but it had only been recently that she had become sure of it.

“I can’t tell you who it is, or what to do, but I want you to know that she,” he gestured to her sleeping daughter, “isn’t of interest to this being. They don’t believe she’ll be as powerful as her brother. She’s safe from what Ben’s going through.”

“What do I do?” she asked, finally moving to a sitting position ignoring her aching muscles as she used the headboard of the medcenter’s bed for support. Anakin pursed his lips, turning again to face Breha.

“You need to figure that out on your own, or with Luke and Han, I cannot guide you on this.”

Leia sighed as her biological father continued to look upon her daughter. Luke had told her how unhelpful the force ghosts could be when it came to affairs the living needed to sort out on their own. Part of her thought that she should yell at Anakin to leave, but she just couldn’t find the energy to be angry at him. She had anger towards whoever it was whispering to her son when her back was turned, and anger towards herself for having her back turned long enough for it to occur.

“Breha Amidala Organa-Solo... it's fitting. She looks more like your mother than you do,” Anakin said, distracting her from her thoughts. He had finally touched her, a translucent finger resting lightly on her cheek. He looked up at her, his smile brighter than she had ever seen it. But before she could respond, he disappeared, leaving her alone with her daughter in the medcenter.

 

 

**iii.**

She had been laying in her bed for four days now, and all he wanted to do was cradle her in his arms as if she was still the baby he had never got to hold. It had been five days since the massacre at Luke’s Jedi Temple, five days since he had watched his daughter’s world fall apart all over again and it was still his fault. His blood tainted the family, tainted Ben, and Leia was still paying the price of that.

Ben was gone, in charge of a group who called themselves the Knights of Ren. He was still a child, and yet, he was unleashing chaos on the galaxy as if he wasn’t about to turn sixteen in a few short months.

Breha was gone too. Not in the way his children believed. Ben may have killed many other young padawans, but he had tried to keep Breha safe. She was supposed to have gone back home to Hosnian Prime for the weekend, Ben had arranged that. But there she was in the field, and Ben had struck down the fellow knight who had tried to kill her. She was hidden away now, just as the Force wanted her to be.

The Force didn’t want Leia or Luke to know that. To know that Breha was alive and breathing and safe from the Knights of Ren and First Order. So all he could do was watch as the guilt tore at Luke. As the pain ripped Leia to shreds and she cried for the first time since finding out who her birth mother was.

All he could do was wait by Leia’s bedside as she slept and try to keep her dreams as peaceful as possible.

He would leave before she woke up, and she might figure out that he was there but for now he could just do what she never allowed him to do, what he had never been privileged to do, and love her. All Anakin wanted was to protect her, though he knew she didn’t need his protection or his love, but she was just so much like him. So full of passion, and recklessness, and anger. And it scared him more than anything that this – that losing her children – could be what made her tip over the edge to the dark side.

Her display at the ruins of Luke’s Jedi Temple had been more than enough to confirm that there was something dark inside of her. But he had come to be of the opinion that there was darkness inside of everyone, it was how you acted that decided whether you were light or dark. And Leia was so good and full of love that he knew deep down that she would never turn. Anakin had always been inherently selfish, he always wanted more than he should, but Leia had not seemed to inherit that trait from him. No, she had inherited Padmé’s unparalleled selflessness, much like her brother had. That would always be enough to keep her from the dark side, no matter how much her anger and pain tempted her.

Leia tossed in her sleep, unexpectedly. A whimper escaping as she slept on. Frowning, Anakin sent a wave of peace and love towards her.

She only had an hour or so left of sleep, Anakin knew that. He needed to leave now for her to have less of a chance of feeling his presence. But it was so hard to leave when she was hurting so much, and all he wanted to do was tell her the truth of it all. Tell her that her son hadn’t butchered her daughter, that he had hidden her away on Jakku and tampered with her memories. And that Snoke had in turn tampered with his for going against orders. He ached to tell her that things would be right one day, she just had to get through this.

For once, it was a good thing that his daughter never wanted to talk to him. And now, he understood more than ever why she wanted nothing to do with him.

 

 

**iv.**

The news that was being called the news of the century was all over the holonet. Senator Organa, the Vice Chair to the Galactic Senate, was the daughter of Darth Vader. While it had been no secret that she and Luke were descendants of Anakin Skywalker, no one had made the connection between Anakin and Vader. It made her sick.

She had spent so long running from her bloodline only for it to come around and ruin everything. Not that her life hadn’t already been in shambles before the news leaked. Her husband only came back when he had an itch he needed scratching, her brother had left long ago, her son manipulated to the dark side, her daughter…. her little Breha was gone, just gone, no trace of her remained in the universe but her own memories.

Now she had lost her place in the Senate, her credibility among the Republic that she had helped rebuild from the ashes of the Old Republic and Empire. And all she could think was how it was her birth father’s fault, again. Apparently leaving her life in shambles while he was alive hadn’t been enough, he had to continue to do so from the grave.

She didn’t know who had released the information to the public, but things were hard enough with the Senate refusing to hear her warnings of the First Order. While she believed in the peace that had settled in the galaxy, she knew that it wouldn’t last long, the First Order would come creeping out of the shadows eventually. And her son would be helping them if she didn’t figure out a way to save him from Snoke.

Grinding her teeth, Leia swallowed her anger as she thought of the former Vice Chair. She knew Snoke was behind the First Order, behind her son’s fall to the dark side, she had felt his greasy grasp all over it all. Her suspicions had only felt confirmed when he disappeared shortly after she sent Ben to Luke.

A sudden presence filled her senses and surroundings, causing her to stand up straighter. She recognized the identity of the presence as if it were her own, and in a way it was. She had always seen much of herself in Anakin Skywalker, and it had bothered her. The same ferocity, the same anger boiling just at the surface, the same impatience that could set anyone on edge. The similarities were a constant reminder that she was his blood. And while she had tried to run from it before, considered it a dirty little secret between her and her family, the fact that she was his daughter was slamming into her from all angles. She continued sorting her clothes, ignoring the force ghost in the room.

They continued like that for a few minutes. Father and daughter in tense silence. Leia’s back turned on Anakin, as always.

She knew that he was probably there to try to make her feel better. She knew that he did care about her. She knew that if he could fix things he would. And she also knew that he had watched her as she slept after the Jedi Temple massacre and kept her from falling into darkness as she slept. But the facts of their relationship still hurt her. It didn’t change that he had known her for a year, tortured her, mentally tormented her, held her in place as she watched her home planet be destroyed, and tortured the man who would become her husband while forcing her to watch… all without once recognizing her as his daughter. As the daughter he had once told her that he knew he and his wife were expecting. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he had taken Luke’s hand knowing that he was his son, it would hurt her that she had been the unnoticeable one.

Sighing, she continued to set clothing aside. If the Senate didn’t want her help, she’d turn to those who would still help her and they could take down the First Order. It would only take a few hundred, they didn’t need the whole Republic Navy. Though the Navy would be helpful.

Why her birth father was here she didn’t know, but she continued to ignore him as she began to pack her clothing. She didn’t know what Anakin had thought would happen if he came here, especially today of all days. With the holonews tearing her apart and trying to find fault in every decision she had made, calling her “Warmonger” alongside “Vader’s daughter” and acting as if her calls for action against the First Order were some terrible and evil plot. And it was all because she had the misfortune to be his daughter. 

She fidgeted uncomfortably as she moved to pull her jewelry box from the dresser. Normally Anakin’s presence felt impatient and hurried, but today… today it felt different. It felt sad. She brushed it off continuing on her tearing apart of her room.

“For what it’s worth, Leia, I am sorry,” he finally spoke. She raised her head slightly, not wanting him to notice her interest in what he had to say. “You deserve better than this. Senator Organa raised you better than Darth Vader ever could have… and I could not be prouder of you.”

Leia felt him leave her, his presence lifting from her apartments. She could feel tears starting to prick at the corner of her eyes, even though crying was the last thing she wanted to do. She had sworn when the Empire had captured her that they would not get a cry from her ever, and after her first encounter with Anakin Skywalker she had sworn she would never cry because of him again.

But for the first time since that day in Naboo, she allowed her tears to fall.

 

 

**v.**

“Ma’am, not to entirely derail the conversation, but are you aware that there’s a blue …. person behind you?” Finn, bless his heart, had shattered her illusion. After thirty years she and Anakin had fallen into a familiar rhythm. He would appear and she would ignore him.

She just hadn’t expected that he’d use Finn’s burgeoning force-sensitivity against her. And normally he waited for her to be alone to force his presence on her.

Leia looked up at Finn, frowning. His eyes were focused on a spot behind her and she turned her head just a little to finally acknowledge Anakin’s presence. Turning back to the holoprojector she set down the datapad she was holding as her free hand came up to pinch the bridge of her nose.

“You can see him too, can’t you, General?” Finn asked again. She could sense his urgency. This was his first encounter with force ghosts, she could not blame him for his hesitancy to believe what he was seeing. Sighing, she moved her hand off of her face to look Finn in the eye.

“Yes, Finn, I can see him too,” she could see the question rising in his eyes and continued before he could interrupt her. “This is the man who calls himself my father.”

Finn’s eyes bulged as the realization creeped into his face. Her lineage was of no secret to the galaxy anymore, and it had long been an open one in the First Order.

“That’s Darth Vader? Darth Vader is standing in this room right now?” Leia rolled her eyes at Finn’s fear and she swore she could feel Anakin do the same thing.

“I used to be,” her father spoke for the first time since he had appeared five minutes ago. She could feel the exasperation and regret his words were laced with and she suppressed a shudder, ignoring the side of her that wanted to be compassionate to the man who was still finding ways to ruin her life from beyond the grave. She could feel Anakin’s eyes on the back of her head as Finn kept glancing fitfully between her and her birth father.

“Finn,” she said getting his attention focused on her, “why don’t you go see if Rey and my brother need any help with whatever it is they’re doing?”

Finn went back to glancing between father and daughter. Leia sighed, she knew that Finn was picking up on her reluctance and exasperation at Anakin’s presence and that was what was putting him on edge more than anything.

“It’s alright, Finn. He’s a ghost, it’s not like he can hurt me, at least not physically.” Now she knew that she could feel Anakin roll his eyes behind her. She wasn’t wrong though, his presence always seemed to hurt her eventually. Anger, sorrow, and guilt were the most common emotions these meetings brought forth and they would linger and deepen for days after.

“Not to disagree Ma’am, but that’s _Darth Vader_ ,” Finn stressed the name as if that would change things and Leia sighed.

“I am aware of that, but Finn, any damage he could do to me has already been done,” she insisted, hearing her father’s huff of disapproval from behind her. “Go find Rey or Poe, relax, you’ve done enough work for tonight.”

She watched as Finn cast an uncertain glance as the force ghost standing behind her. But he nodded his acceptance to her and stalked off. Carefully stepping around Anakin’s blue form behind her back. She smiled before casting the smile off of her face and turning to face her father.

“So your new method of attack is to make sure someone else can see you so you can speak to me?” she accused, folding her arms across her chest. Anakin smirked.

“I wouldn’t need to if you would just talk to me, it’s been thirty years, haven’t you punished me enough?” Leia snorted at that.

“It could be another thirty years and that still wouldn’t be enough,” she bit her lip, almost considering to hold back for a minute before adding, “not for the things you’ve done.”

“I didn’t come here to fight, Leia,” Anakin sighed, folding his own arms as he stared down at her. “Can’t we just talk?”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Well maybe I have something to say to you.”

“I doubt it’s anything relevant,” Leia snorted, turning away from Anakin to pick up her previously discarded datapad.

“It’s about your son.” Anakin’s words triggered that part of her that had always tried to keep Ben from him and in turn him from Ben. She whirled around, her lips pinched tight in a frown.

“No,” she said forcefully. “You don’t get to talk to me about him. It’s your fault he’s where he is.”

“I know that, Leia,” he spat out. She could see that he was starting to get angry at her and she just did not care. He didn’t get to use her son against her like that, he had never earned the right to do that. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, if you would only just listen.”

“You’ve never had anything new or vital to the discussion before why should that be any different now?”

“You haven’t bothered listening any of the other times either.”

“Then why should I start?”

“Maybe I know something you don’t.”

“That’s laughable,” she said incredulously, not bothering to look at him. She heard Anakin sigh as his presence came closer to her. Out of the corner of her eye she could see his figure coming to stand to her left.

“Have you given up on him?” Anakin asked quietly. She could see one of his hands lift as if to go to touch her before falling back to his side. Sighing, she set down her datapad and turned to him.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I don’t want to, I want him back, but after… after he killed Han, I just… I don’t know. Maybe Ben can’t be saved. Maybe I’m imagining that light that I’ve spent sixteen years believing is his.”

“Your feelings about Breha being alive were right, she’s right down the hall… Why would your feelings about there being light in Ben be wrong?”

“I don’t know, that’s the thing,” Leia turned back to the holoprojector, not wanting to look at Anakin before her resolve crumbled. “I haven’t felt him since Han died.”

The admission felt like a betrayal. To Han, who died trying to complete her request. To Ben, who had been manipulated before he could even walk, and she had never done enough to stop it. To Rey, who had no idea of her identity and had to watch her older brother, who had once loved her so much, kill her father, who had worshiped her as if she was the Nubian sun goddess.

“It’s not your fault, Leia.” Words that should have comforted her, sent a defensive wave through her body, causing her to grip at the edge of the holoprojector. She was thinking of responding when the presence of her brother came closer and she smiled. He was poking at the back of her mind, trying to get her to let him in so he could see if she was okay. Finn must have told him that Anakin was here, and if anyone besides knew of how explosive the two of them could get, it was Luke.

The door to the briefing room opened, and Leia visibly relaxed under the influence of her brother’s presence.

“Are you two playing nice?” her brother asked with a smile as he approached the two of them.

“I haven’t tried to throw something at him, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said rolling her eyes. Luke snorted.

“That’s an improvement.”

Leia and Anakin both rolled their eyes. Luke always exaggerated their hostility towards one another, well _her_ hostility towards Anakin. Although, if he was corporeal, she might have tried to throw something at him once…

Luke put an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into his side. Ever since he returned to D’Qar, Luke had trying to be more attentive, they had lost so much in this life and they were all they had left. Well, even if Rey didn’t know of her relation to the Skywalker twins, they still had her.

The young woman had instinctively leaned on her mother. And badgered her uncle into training her in the same way Leia had convinced Luke to do so many things when they were younger. Han had once called their daughter his Princess Sunshine, and that’s exactly what Rey was. Sunshine full of hope and joy. There was little she didn’t believe in, little she hated. And what she did hate, she hated with good reason.

“Rey’s probably on her way, she was very interested in meeting Anakin Skywalker,” Luke looked over Leia’s head at their father. “She has your lightsaber, you know.”  

“Of course I know,” Anakin smiled, “who do you think made sure it called to her?”

Leia looked up at him in surprise, and brown eyes met blue and Leia felt something warm deep in her core that she couldn’t quite place. She knew that Anakin had watched over Ben and Rey when they were children, but she had never known that he had such a physical connection to the events in their life. She almost began to ask him before the sunshine and innocence of Rey’s presence entered the general area.

Leia narrowed her eyes at Anakin.

“Not a word to her, I haven’t told her yet,” she said, pointing a finger at him as Luke’s hand on her shoulder tightened.

“Why haven’t you told her yet? I told your brother the first time I saw him after finding out.”

“That’s probably not the best example since you conspired to freeze me in carbonite and you cut off my hand.”

Leia snorted at her brother’s response and watched as Anakin’s jaw dropped in surprise as he stumbled for a response.

“Well… I didn’t say it was under the best of circumstances,” he said finally as Rey walked into the room slowly. Leia rolled her eyes as she turned to smile at her daughter. Rey’s face brightened as her eyes met Leia’s own and Leia was once again struck by how much Rey looked like Han. _How could you not have known, Han, she looks so much like our son and Ben looked so much like you…_

Rey stopped as she got halfway through the room. Her eyes on Anakin and a look of surprise on her face. Leia was about to ask what was wrong when Rey spoke.

“ _I_ _know you_ ,” she said, her eyes not leaving Anakin. Out of the corner of her eye, Leia could see Anakin tense and stand up straighter. “You used to come to Niima outpost… you gave me water.”

Leia looked up at her father to see a look of surprise mixed with fright on his face. He looked back down at her and opened his mouth to speak before his blue translucent form disappeared in the room. Leaving his two children and his granddaughter baffled in his wake.

 

 

**+1**

Leia stepped out into the cool night air of Naboo, gazing at the water that glittered under the moon. She held her wrap around her body tightly as she walked further out into the night.

Naboo was no longer a planet of sadness and pain for her. There was sadness in the air, yes. But there was love and passion mixed in with it. And thirty years after her last visit she finally understood it.

It had taken her and Luke, mostly her, a long time to find out about the secret love affair of their parents. But eventually, after tracking down the few of their mother’s handmaidens, they were able to piece together what the world didn’t know.

Their father had married their mother against the code of the Jedi Order. Their mother had married him because after all of herself she had given to the galaxy she wanted to give herself to someone she wanted. They were married for three years before Anakin Skywalker fell to the Dark Side. Padmé had then kept her pregnancy a secret from everyone except one handmaiden, during the last few months of the Clone Wars. She had kept her twins secret by even refusing to find out what she was having, or that she was even having twins.

According to Moteé, the one handmaiden who knew of Padmé’s pregnancy, their mother had barely been seven months pregnant when she died. According to Obi-Wan, their mother had lived long enough to name them, but she had not even gotten to meet her daughter before succumbing to the afterlife. Leia and Obi-Wan had theorized together that the memories she had of her birth mother were given to her by the Force to make up for taking her away so soon after her birth.

Sadly, Obi-Wan had also mentioned that Luke was older by almost a minute. Luke had taken the news that he had a “baby” sister very well and had made sure to use it against her as often as he could to her dismay.

Naboo had not been a sad place because of her mother’s death. Naboo had been a sad place because of the life her children had been forced to live, separated and forever longing for something they could never understand.

Now the planet sung to her. It sung to her of the passion that her parents had. It sung to her of the life her mother had wanted her and Luke to have. It sung a song that embraced her and sounded like home.

After the revelation of her bloodline, Naboo’s embassy had contacted her and told her that Padmé Amidala’s children would always have a safe haven in Naboo, regardless of who her biological father was. So now the Resistance was hidden in the lake country of Naboo, in a retreat her mother had supposedly once owned and the surrounding lands. 

The last clash with the First Order had been disastrous, but they had not lost as many as they could have. So she was considering it a success… mostly.

The greatest loss had been Rey. Her daughter could barely look at her now that she knew of her parentage. And of all people, Leia understood this feeling best. Especially since they had both been informed by their own brother instead of by their remaining parent. But that was Leia’s own fault for not telling her the moment she stepped off of the Falcon and her very soul recognized daughter.

 _For once_ , she thought, _Anakin might have been right_.

“I’ve been right more than once,” his voice caused her to jump and spin around. She hadn’t felt his presence near her tonight, or since they had arrived Naboo. He had been noticeably absent for once.

“Could have fooled me,” she replied, smiling as she did so, hoping that he would catch the joke.

“I did save Obi-Wan ten times, that was the right thing to do,” he smiled back at her, bright and pure.

“You also killed him so I think that negates the saving him.”

“Well, he also chopped off both of my legs and one of my arms, it made us even.” Leia laughed at that before silence fell between them. Shielding her mind, Leia considered her next options. Anakin had made himself scarce after Rey seeing him on the D’Qar and what Rey had said still tugged on her mind and she had to know what Rey had been talking about.

“Rey said that she knew you,” she measured her words carefully, being sure that his attention was fully on her, “how could she? You died ten years before she was born.”

Anakin sighed, but joined her at the edge of the veranda. He faced her, leaning back on one of the pillars along the railing.

“I didn’t agree with not being able to tell you or Luke that Breha lived,” he started as he folded his arms across his chest. “So I would check in on her, as often as I could. Sometimes it was just sending her feelings of the memories that Ben had erased, or images of the island that Luke had exiled himself to. Never images of you or Han, any idea of who she was could have tipped off her location to Snoke. Sometimes it was using all the Force I could and becoming corporeal for a few minutes, just to give her more food or water. One time I told Unkar Plutt that the Irving Boys had a certain freighter and made sure that he got his hands on it, all so if one day Rey realized that she needed to leave it would be there waiting for her. I couldn’t do much, but I did what I could considering the circumstances.”

Leia felt her mouth fall open in shock. She stood silently as her mind ran through everything he had just said. She had never considered any of that, that he would even concern himself with her daughter’s fate. She didn’t think that any part of him cared enough…

“Of course I care, Leia,” he interrupted her thoughts from speeding out of control. She looked up to see that his face was drawn in an expression of disgust before softening. “You’re my daughter. I mourned you for twenty-two years before finding out about your brother, when I thought that Padmé had just had a boy. Before that I tore apart star systems hoping that the Emperor was lying and that my wife and our daughter had survived, like I knew they had. And the whole time you were right under my nose. And at times you were right in front of me. And not once did I even know that you were the daughter I dreamed of holding, of singing to sleep with the same lullaby my mother had once sung to me.”

“And I can’t change that I was terrible, I can’t change the circumstances of your birth, or that I tortured you and your husband. I can’t fix any of that, no matter how much I wish that I could. You hate me for legitimate reasons, I deserve it, I really do. But that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t protect your children. Ben… he doesn’t see me, no matter how much I try to speak to him, he doesn’t hear me. But Breha, I watched her grow knowing that you would have to miss it all, and that the most I could do is make sure that Jakku didn’t break her spirit and that she was able to come home to you when the time was right.”

Leia felt wetness on her cheeks and started to raise her hands to wipe at the tears who had selfishly started to fall as her father spoke. She was stopped as he took her hands in his and pressed his lips to both of them before dropping them at her sides. Using his thumbs he wiped her few tears away.

“I love you, Leia, and this was the only way I could show you.” She felt her lip wobble a little before thirty years of tears finally burst forth. She found herself falling into Anakin and crying into his chest as his arms came up around her and held her close. She screwed her face up in the material of his cloak as his hands stroke through her hair.

They stood in almost silence besides her small sobs and his whispered words of soothing. After a few minutes he stopped and let out a chuckle causing her to break away from him, raising an eyebrow at his outburst.

“We’re standing where your mother and I got married,” he explained to her inquisitive look. He brushed at her tears then, smiling as he did so before gesturing to a spot a few feet from the railing they were at. “Well it was more like over there, but still. This is where it happened. This is where she wanted to raise you and Luke. I should have just taken her here the moment she told me that she was pregnant.”

She could feel the guilt he felt and for the first time since she had met Anakin Skywalker, she didn’t flinch away from it. She placed a hand on his arm and smiled.

“You know, Rey looks a lot more like Han than she does my mother,” she said wryly, changing the subject to something lighter. He snorted.

“Not at all, that chin and nose? Entirely your mother.”

“I’m almost certain that chin is from Han, Ben has it too. The nose…. I will give you that.”

She smiled and he laughed, causing her to start laughing for the first time in a few weeks. And she had to admit to herself, this felt… nice. It felt right. She had spent so long hating Darth Vader and holding onto Bail Organa that she hadn’t thought to see if Anakin Skywalker was worthy of any attention from her. And maybe if she could forgive him – not that she entirely had yet, she reminded herself – then Rey could forgive her too.

“Rey will forgive you,” Anakin reassured her, moving a hand to her shoulder and squeezing. “I’ve seen it. She just needs time. She just found out that she watched her brother kill her father. It’s not anger she’s feeling, it’s pain. She’ll come to you eventually, sooner than you think.”

“Are you sure?” she asked quietly, she knew he wouldn’t lie to her if he could avoid it, but she just had to make sure.

“I’m sure.” Anakin bent down and kissed her forehead. He straightened up, standing to his full height and gave her an appraising look. “You should sleep, you won’t do your soldiers any good if you’re not at your best. And you need your sleep.”

She rolled her eyes. _She slept plenty, thank you very much_ , she thought knowing that he was listening to her thoughts. He laughed outright and she rolled her eyes again.

“Goodnight, Leia,” he said as he began to disappear. She shook her head as her father’s form faded from view, but his presence remained and she knew that he would return if he didn’t think she was heading to sleep soon enough for him. _To think I’ve been reduced to being treated like a child_.

She could swear she felt someone playing with her hair as the wind picked up slightly. Tugging her wrap tighter around her she started up for her room in the retreat. The lake house was dark but the bright Nubian moon let in enough light that her steps were careful as she walked through the house. All too soon she was back in the bed she had chosen, laying under coverings that must have been older than she was as they were made of Alderaanian silk. It wasn’t much, but it made her feel even more at home than she thought she could ever feel after Alderaan’s destruction.

She laid in silence for several minutes, trying to sleep but it was not coming to her. Huffing stubbornly, she turned to face away from the door and tried again. A longer time past before she heard steps approaching the door to the room she was staying in. The door creaked slightly as it opened and her daughter’s presence reached her. Puzzled, she turned over and saw Rey standing in the doorway awkwardly.

“Rey? What’s wrong?”

Her daughter stayed slightly for a few minutes, her eyes wide and distressed, before starting to fidget with the edge of the shirt she was sleeping in.

“I just…” she started, looking at her feet. “I wanted to make sure that you were okay… you know, after Kylo… Ben… after what he said.”

“After what he said…” she repeated, turning the words over in her head trying to understand her concern. It took a few minutes before she finally read between the lines. “Rey, did you have a nightmare?”

Rey didn’t respond verbally, just nodded as she continued to stare down at her feet. Leia sighed with relief. Nightmares, she could do nightmares. She sat up and moved a little to the right to open up more room on the bed.

“Rey, come here,” she said patting the area beside her. Rey looked up at her surprised but scurried closer and sat on the open area, her legs crisscrossed. Leia looked at her daughter and reached out a hand to touch her face before flinching back, unsure of how Rey would respond to it. Sighing, she sat up straighter as Rey got comfortable.

“What happened in your nightmare?” she asked after a few moments. Rey looked up at her, her lips pulled into a frown and her eyes rimmed red and tired as if she’d woken up crying.

“He… Ben, he killed you,” Rey’s voice quivered a little as she spoke, but her hazel eyes stayed in contact with Leia’s. “After he told me, us. He killed you. I just… I wondered if it was a sign of what you had felt then.”

Leia sighed in relief. This was an easy fix. She just hoped that it was mostly Rey’s own insecurity talking to her, and not Snoke trying to get through to her. Leia reached forward, holding her hand out, palm up, for Rey to take. After a moment Rey placed her own hand, palm down, on top of hers and Leia gripped her daughter’s hand.

“The only event that killed me during that moment, Rey, was that your brother was trying to hurt you,” she said honestly, looking directly into the golden-green eyes that Rey had inherited from Han. “You’re my daughter, and he’s my son, and all I want is for the both of you to be safe and happy. Not to be trying to tear each other apart.”

Rey nodded, her eyes losing some of the darkness and despair they had carried when she entered. Leia lightly tugged her forward. And Rey followed easily, crashing into Leia’s arms like she had during thunder storms on Hosnian Prime so many years before. Leia placed a kiss on the top of her head and smiled.

 _Maybe Anakin has been right more than once_ , she thought as Rey cuddled into her. A light breeze came through the window and she smiled again.

“I love you,” she whispered into her daughter’s hair, she didn’t know if she was saying it to her daughter or her father. _Both_ , her mind whispered, _you love them both_.

As a wave of peace and love encompassed her while Rey burrowed herself into her side she knew that was true.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was brought on by my recent meltdown over Anakin and Leia and how Leia has gotten nothing but pain and suffering from her biological father and I wanted to change that. It's also kind of what I'd like to see in VIII, provided the rumors about Hayden appearing are true, because having a Leia and Anakin scene would be amazing and I'd pay for it to happen.  
> Also, I decided that force ghosts are solid unless they choose not to be, and since Anakin was literally conceived by midi-chlorians I figured that he'd be able to pull on the Force to make him appear corporeal and not like a blue ghost.


End file.
